my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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