I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
