I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
