I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
