A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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