its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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