I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
