so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
