I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
