My room smells like vodka and shame
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
