So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
