i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
