Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i believe in u and ur pee
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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