I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize