I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
