Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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