Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I want a musical about memes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
why is half of my head shaved?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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