I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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