I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So. Much. Porn.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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