you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That accounts for only three of the penises
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
