you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
