it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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