I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
