I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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