So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
