I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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