It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
