You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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