So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
