I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
