I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
