Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
