I just made out with a guy for $7.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
