Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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