For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
