I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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