just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it's like heaven, but drunker
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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