I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
