you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
