I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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