Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
