Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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