I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
