My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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