is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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