dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
