How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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