Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
