Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
