At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
