Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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