Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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