Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
