i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
