Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
