Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Life is so much better after having sex.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
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Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
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You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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