I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We don't watch enough power rangers
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
