Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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