i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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