my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
