Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
