So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
