That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
