so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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