I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
