saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize