You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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