I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
