if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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