in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
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drinking out of a sandbucket again
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
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You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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