I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
