Got a toothbrush?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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