i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
