Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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