You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
