Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
