People with herpes should wear stickers.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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