i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
