i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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